steph throws a fit over me saying she was being antagonistic, acts antagonistic and insists its just facts, that we dont have money to ‘waste’ on the cat’s food (when the reality we have to deal with is we either buy cans or we waste dry food when he gets sick and avoids eating it, and i suggested we get a small bag of dry anyway but dad just buys cans bc its more convenient instead of driving out on the island to buy a bag of dry food.) that no one is complaining or saying anything because they just dont want to say it to me, that i should think of it anyway (and ‘parents dont have the money’… even though dad was happy to spend money on stuff for my camera like a bag and lens, even though we have a fucking responsibility to the cat we currently have and feeding him enough, even if it means seemingly ‘wasting’ food) 

and that i should’ve just told her that i only gave him a tiny bit last night before giving him more a little while later.

basically: i can’t call her antagonistic bc it hurts her feewings and im assuming her intentions are bad for saying that shit, and it doesn’t matter if my feelings are hurt bc thats on me, and if i say anything against her that’s on me, and im to blame for all the problems apparently yeah SURE

when i said she was being antagonistic, she insisted i find the definition of antagonistic like no, im not going to do that, i fucking know im using it fucking right you asswipe. when your actions are antagonizing me, ie making me angry or upset and reactive, that means you are being antagonistic! It does not matter whether your intentions were good even though that’s a pile of steaming horseshit and you just wanted a rise out of me and that’s why you fucking brought the topic up AGAIN like just let it fucking die we couldnt yell last night cause ma was asleep and i moved on from the fucking conversation but she didnt and brought it back up again and its fucking ridiculous

oh and then when i was getting frustrated i tore a ziploc bag and spilled pistachios on the floor in anger and then i went to my computer and she said something about how they’re all expecting me to destroy my laptop 

like wow thanks you absolute bitch, thanks for the fucking low blow AGAIN

im like THAT IS FUCKING ANTAGONISTIC.

i just put my headphones on, slammed the volume up, and blasted a tony stark playlist till she gave up 

but i am so done with her pushiness and her twisting things around and insisting she’s blameless and that her intentions matter more than my feelings and that shes allowed to say anything even if it hurts me bc intentions, and i can’t call her on that bc then im hurting HER feelings and that’s more important.

she doesn’t fucking see that hypocrisy

but she is so fuckign insecure over seeming like a good person and not being called antagonistic or bad or ANYTHING

like yeah sure thats being a fucking good person, NOT

more like being a pos who doesn’t want to be called on their shittiness so they derail and distract! guess who you sound like, steph!

newsflash, your mental illness doesnt excuse your behavior when you make literally ZERO effort to do anything about it and insist that therapy wouldn’t help 

but she has to fucking live her bc shes having money problems and lost her job and has no health care bc they screwed her over, and we love her and care about her but she is making me miserable and angry and its not fucking fair 

she can just point to my angry reactions as a fault in myself wholly, a negative characteristic, a flaw, that is intrinsic to me, and walk away scot-free because she was ‘calm’ and composed and didnt throw anything or yell or whatthefuckever 

thats not fucking fair 

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