smitethepatriarchy:

factualfeminist:

40000-spiders:

raye-of-many-rains:

ginger-in-a-fez:

worldflower:

fantasychica37:

sweetdansvestite:

ahyperactivehero:

chronicimpulsivereader:

comicconverse:

m4ge:

strawberryaj:

andyouknowit:

thatonevaleriegirl:

meme-of-lord:

thegenderfluiddruid:

envyadams:

ledamemangociana:

magebirb:

stellaathena:

spankyhole:

soldieronbarnes:

greatestgoth:

ghost-plot:

I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:

I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,

My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn

Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”

Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.

This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.

When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”

something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”

today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”

I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”

I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”

I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T

This post is too good. I once tried to say have a nice day or have a good day to a customer and said ‘Have a nude gay!’. Still haven’t recovered.

OOC: i get really used to working nights or days at my work so i’m often jumbled between “have a nice night” and “have a good day” so often it comes out as “have a nice neigh” or “have a good date” or occasionally even “have a night die”

in first grade someone apologized to me and i responded by saying “you’re welcome” and i still haven’t recovered

I was mad at my friend Gabe and tried to call him a bitch, ended up calling him “babe”. It’s been four years and he still hasn’t let it go

My little sister tried to say “sneaky” and “secretive” at the same time and ended up saying “sneakrative”

One time my friend’s mom was driving us home and she tried to yell “Opossum! ” because one ran out into the road, but it got mixed up with “My God!” And came out “MUFASA!” She laughed so hard she had to pull over and my friend almost had an asthma attack.

Once I went to this restaurant my family and I had been going to since I was an infant,and I wanted to ask if my family had been going there since before I was born. Well,something got mixed up in my brain and I ended up turning to my mom and saying “Did you guys come here when I was still alive?” And my mom lost her damn mind.

In fourth grade I had to lead the pledge of allegiance and said “Amen” at the end and was so embarrassed!

I worked at a call center and one time I hung up to find all my coworkers staring at me. Apparently I told the caller “I love you” and didn’t even realize it

First big high school debate meet. Practicing in my head “I’m Melanie, this is my partner Cassidy. I’m Melanie, this is my partner Cassidy.” I get up there and go “I’m Cassidy….” and Cassidy goes “No you’re not”

one time i was trying to say “thank you bella” and for some reason it came out like “thank you belly” let me die in peace thank you very much

Once i answered the phone and in a perfectly nice amiable voice just said “one?”

I am sitting at my desk at work and fucking dying, oh my god

I love these stories. Every once in a while I’ll answer the phone with the completely wrong thing. Once I answered my phone when a number I didn’t know was calling and instead of saying “Hello?” I said “Bye?” so I just hung up because I’d said bye.

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